Sassy Trump by Peter Serafinowicz
- I accepted a religious pamphlet from a street missionary and put it in the first available bin. Maybe I should have returned it to the missionary further down the street who tried to give me another one.
- The ATM outside a bank shortchanged me by £20. I only spotted this because the machine was taking ages to print the receipt and was also still attempting to eject one of the notes . This wouldn’t have happened if I had been prepared to queue at the machines inside the bank. (Queue? See later!)
- The man in the small newsagents refused my i newspaper subscription voucher – it takes too long to get payment back, he said.
- On only my second visit to Wilco I abandoned my budget notebook on seeing the 10-deep checkout queues. There should be a bin near the checkouts so that customers unprepared to wait in the queue can abandon their goods rather than leaving them on a random shelf, as I did.
- At home, my bank’s Internet banking site has an option to report problems with ATM transactions, which was helpful and suggests it’s a fairly common event.
- A very fine evening interacting with old friends on our first visit to the excellent Mute Swan pub in Hampton Court. Good food, lots of space between tables, and for a Saturday night not too noisy. I shouldn’t have finished with a strong, black coffee, but that’s another story.
There’s an article about the cartoon, on the i website at
Today, Sean Spicer resigned as press secretary, telling President Trump he vehemently disagreed with his choice for a new communications director.
For many, Sean Spicer will be remembered for a brilliant portrayal by Melissa McCarthy in this Saturday Night Live sketch.
In a previous post, I asked the question “What’s this picture all about?”
This Steve Bell cartoon provides the answer!
After the second night of competition, the old guy leads the young pretender 2-0 (4-2 and 4-2). Windy conditions meant it was a lot easier to play into the wind than with the wind behind!
Sunday update! On the 3rd night the young pretender dealt better with the blustery wind and won 4-2. Overall, 2-1 to the old guy.
Monday update! On the 4th and final night, in blustery conditions and poor light, the old guy outfoxed his son 4-1. Final score, 3-1 to the old guy!
I only wanted two, and they would cost me £1.60, and because I only wanted two I declined the offer of five for a pound.
This was pretty dumb because I could have had my two for a pound (with 3 more unwanted ones thrown in for free)!
As I walked from the station to the bus stop, I was summoned from across the road by a tall, attractive, young woman, who, in a very well-spoken voice, said:
“Hello, excuse me, excuse me, sir. You look like a gentleman.
I’m a fashion model. Would you like to see my portfolio?
I’ve been on a fashion shoot and I have to get back to Hove – you know where that is.
I’ve lost my train ticket. Can you help?”
At first I wondered if this was what it looked like!!
But no, she was a scammer/beggar. Nice try!
Just caught a wonderful episode of Frasier before another day of hospital visiting. Frasier dates a super-model but no one believes him. When he tries to obtain evidence by taking a selfie of himself and the sleeping supermodel in bed, the camera-flash fires and she wakes up and rightly goes berserk, leading to the end of the affair. Twenty-five minutes of brilliance.
I needed that to get me through the day.
We did the same thing 3 or 4 years ago. We closed the front door, leaving a key in the inside lock. Despite having another key, it’s not possible to open the door whilst there is a key in the inside lock.
What a plonker.
The first time this happened I eventually managed to open the door using some technique through the letterbox – but this time I couldn’t remember how I did it. I thought of dislodging or turning the key through the letterbox but after a few pathetic attempts with a long tool I realised I was beaten and called out a locksmith.
A couple of hours later the locksmith opens the door in 10 seconds using a gadget similar to the one pictured. The gadget simply pushes down the inside handle. What a plonker – I should have been thinking handle and not key! I could have done that with something like an improvised coat hanger and I guess that is what I did the first time.
That’ll be £70 plus VAT, thank you very much. Lesson learned!!
- Sit in a long traffic jam. ✔
- Teach a pensioner and a heavily pregnant woman how to play cribbage. ✔
- File a report that my mother’s doorstep milk has been stolen, again.✔
- File a report that a second cheque-book sent to my mother has failed to arrive – another act of dishonesty? ✔
- Buy a book for its title. ✔ [The Erotic Potential of my Wife, by David Foenkinos, 75 pence from a charity shop]
- Sit through an episode of a Norwegian thriller without having a clue what’s going on. ✔
I came to the conclusion that the Aces Cribbage app on the iPad cheated and dealt itself high-scoring combinations just a little too frequently. I’m currently winning about 1 game in 3 at the Master level.
But having recently started playing against my son, I’m starting to wonder….
Since winning the first two games against him I have not won another game and I’m currently losing 18-2, including suffering 4 skunk defeats (annihilations!). I think I’ll have to find an opponent who is new to cribbage…
I was in Brighton. A young guy calls out to me and hands me a pair of specs and then goes on his way. I’m always misplacing my specs, so I assumed I had dropped mine.
Without looking at them I spent a good 15 seconds trying to figure out how I dropped them, since I don’t use them when walking or when taking pictures. Puzzled, I looked at the specs only to realise they weren’t mine!
When I got home I thought I’d have a go at tracking down the real owner. Typing “pair of specs found in brighton” into Google turned up a link to “Lost & Found Stuff in Brighton | Gumtree communities”, and after registering with Gumtree I posted an ad as follows:
“Men’s specs found Brighton seafront Thursday, March 13th”
A couple of hours later, up pops an email, from a guy named Joe, with the message “Hi there, I lost my glasses yesterday. They’re black on the frame with vertical grey and black stripes along the arms”.
Unfortunately the specs have one of the lenses missing (for the left eye) and on telling Joe this he emailed me as follows:
“My back-up pair are missing the lens for my left eye. Maintaining and keeping my glasses is something I definitely need to work on!”
And then another email:
“Not to worry though, you can throw them away as my other pair are missing the same lens.”
So if the specs had had the left eye lens in place instead of the right, Joe would have been able to use the specs that I had to repair the spare pair he had! Hilarious!
What do you think?
After tripping over a pavement kerb yesterday, I took myself off to accident and emergency to check out the lump and limp. I spent more time with the receptionist than with the doctor. There’s nothing wrong with you – get outta here!
20 things you should know about children by Tim Lott, in today’s Guardian.
I’m looking forward to exploring further www.tenpasenta.org. Womb to tomb!